The most frequently asked questions are: How do you make yourself believe in the Law? How do you overcome doubts and fears? How did you get rid of your separation anxiety?
And how do you believe everyone is you pushed out while being with violent or abusive people?
I am at a place in my life, being happy and content, that I can write about past events without being triggered or affected by them anymore. It is a different world to me, a different life that is far away. I don’t desire to forget or to get rid of it, instead I see them as an important part of my journey. With my story I know, there is nothing more to fear, since I overcame all of this and came this far all on my own, and for this realization I can appreciate my journey.
When I look back to my past self, I see the optimistic girl, always hoping for the best, but easily triggered by fears, leading into panic episodes. The past me thought that she was never enough, never safe, not beautiful and not loved.
I grew up with an emotionally unstable mother, addicted to alcohol and medication. She couldn’t handle her impulses, so she used to switch from being calm and gentle to an aggressive, destructive person within seconds. I never felt safe with her, instead I feared her and her destruction since I was a little girl. My home, the place I should have felt safe, became a nightmare many times.
My mother used to burn bridges in her life as soon something did not go her way, especially with men in her life. So we moved in the middle of the night, leaving everything behind – my home and my friends. There was a time when we lived in a cold flat without heaters, money for hot water or proper food. I had no other family, I was sexually assaulted twice when I was a child, I was bullied in school and all the people I cared for betrayed me, or left me behind. This pattern continued until my early adulthood. My relationships were full of insecurities and I was always afraid to lose my home.
I carried that underlying fear, that no matter how good and safe things seemed, or how good I am as a person – it will be taken away from me. I remember I made a deal with God, I promised to be a good girl if only my life could heal. My beliefs in higher forces prevented me from truly hurting myself physically, but I was suffering from depression and my art was the only world I could escape into.
At some point, the emotional pain grew so much, that I couldn’t bear it anymore. I had no choice but to let go, and so I gave it up into nothing – and all I felt then was pure love. But it lasted only a moment until I fell for the illusion of the world again.
I refused to give up. I had the will to heal myself and my life, and I wanted to understand why all of these things happened to me. So I discovered Neville and his teachings about the Law of Assumption.
Neville Goddard told me that my imagination is God and I suffered from the stories I accepted as true in my world. Not because of punishment or any outside force deciding for me, but because of my beliefs.
Now, with the knowledge of Neville and when I understood everything, I felt nothing but bliss. I gave up the old story I was attached to and I kept telling myself– All the pain I felt was a result of my beliefs and assumptions about me and my world and when I gave it up, it disappeared.
Now every man in the world is rooted in you who look out and see that world. Every man is rooted in me; he ends in me as I AM rooted in and end in God. Because he is rooted in me he cannot bear other than the nature the root allows. So he is in me and any changes desired in the outer world can be brought about only if I change the source of the thing I see growing in my world.Neville Goddard
Today, I fully accept and understand, that my mother, all the people and the circumstances during my childhood were me pushed out and they played the role I gave them. I only did not know better. My happiness depended on outside circumstances, that always lead to loss and grief. I had no basic trust and no inner security, and my world reflected my inner state of insecurity – this is the Law.
I don’t blame anyone in my life, no others, no higher powers and especially not myself and I don’t feel as a victim anymore – there is nothing to forgive. Today, I even can find beauty in my past and my unique experience. I am love, I always was and I will always be.
Therefore, let us look at man through the eyes of imaginative love which is really seeing with the Eye of God. Under the influence of the Eye of God, the ideal rises up out of the actual as water, is etherealized by the sun into the imagery cloudland.Neville Goddard
With Neville, I learned that all the love I was seeking was already here for me, I only refused to accept it. I let go of the past and took full responsibility for my present.
I understood that doubts and fears never got me anywhere. I gained nothing from it but sleepless nights and feeling miserable. So, I knew, there is nothing to lose by fully believing.
With this realization, that my imagination is God, I had no choice but to accept my imagination as real as anything else I experience. So my imagination became true to me. I mentally went back into my past, back to that little girl, and became the person I needed then – for myself. I told that girl, that she is safe, secure and loved – no matter what. My imagination was my way to experience whatever I wanted. I trusted in its truth and so my wounds healed.
I discovered the state of self-love by giving up all of the reasons to feel not loved this very moment. When the universe is inside of me, so is all the love I was seeking for.
Daring to assume that all things are possible to imagine, put this one reality to the extreme test by assuming you are the person you would like to be. Your reasonable mind and outer senses may deny it; but I promise you: if you will persist, you will receive your assumption. Believe me, you are the same God who created and sustains the universe.Neville Goddard
I got all in with my new belief, to be the Goddess of my life, no matter how stupid it might sound at first. It was my decision, to be now, who I always wanted to be, without the need of any outside confirmation.
I thought, I deserve to feel like this, I deserve to be it, if only to feel better. Security, faith and love is a gift I made myself, since I was the only one who could do this.
And it was the best decision I made.
Finally, I found peace and calmness within myself. As a creator of my life, I found no more reasons to doubt or to fear anything, it wouldn’t make sense. I treated any loss or any obstacles as illusions, as shadows that will fade, my past included.
I enjoyed this wonderful feeling and I promised myself, I won’t give this away anymore. All the pain faded away, when I discovered, that I am invincible. My life reflected my new beliefs and since then I manifest my desires effortless.
My life now is filled with love and inspiration. There is nothing I miss, no loss and no grief. I can feel the fountain of love within my heart and I treat every desire as a new chance to experience more of that love inside myself. Every desire is a new extension of being love. I manifested love in many ways – in friends, in relationships and within my art.
And so is this blog together with Jennifer, Kriston and Amy, one of many expressions of that love and to remind you, who you really are.
When I think of my life now, I am in bliss.
And so can you. The walls of illusion around you will break if you dare to believe. Decide for faith over doubt, for love over fear and accept the world is you pushed out without any blame or shame. The universe is not against you, it never was, it is always fully with you.
If you want to be loved, feel loved now – simply because you deserve it unconditionally – and you will be free.
You are always right about what you assume, so decide to assume only the best about yourself. It is never too late and nothing is ever lost. Everything you desire is here for you, it takes only your decision and dedication for yourself.
You are invincible, because you are love.