The most beautiful thing about writing, for me, is how I am able to connect to different parts of myself to express what I am holding within. I love reaching into my heart and pulling out words that are beautifully structured together to accurately describe what I am feeling in any given moment. I also love when one sentence can trigger a flood of emotions so deep that it pushes me to inspiration. That’s because I know those words are chosen by me to uniquely depict what I need to acknowledge. They are not coming from someone or somewhere else, but from my own self.
When I first started writing (way before we made this website), I couldn’t invoke those feelings. I couldn’t feel the passion within me. And that is because I wasn’t used to connecting to what I was feeling or needing. I wasn’t used to leaning into my own self or trusting in my own voice. When I first learnt about spirituality and manifestation, because I was so used to swaying myself away from my own needs and desires- falling into shame- I wasn’t used to depending on my own self. My source of love and validation came from the false narratives I accepted of who I should be, and what I should desire and feel. They weren’t authentic so how could they feel real?
I see this a lot in manifestation. We are told to live in the end and to remember that our desires are already a done deal but, do you really know what that feels like for you specifically? Have you sat with yourself and asked yourself, “What does it mean to be Love, for me? What does it mean to remember and connect to who I am? What does it truly feel like for me to accept my desires as a done deal? What would that look like for me?”.
Not from, or for, someone else but, for you.
The answers to these questions will be different for each person and it is even okay if you draw a blank at first. The more we explore the depth of our own needs, and no longer feel like we are void of anything, the more we are allowing space for these answers to arise.
It is okay to gain inspiration from the people we look up to in order to feel inspired. However, none of the beautiful explanations in the world will be able truly help us if we are not willing to go within to really explore what these things mean for ourselves. A lot of people are used to placing their validation and needs in the hands of others, most likely due to previous experiences in life, and so it is easy to fall into a “copy and paste” trap. This is when we only accept what other people’s definition of “it is done” means without diving into our own inner guidance to listen to the voice under the ego.
And when we are so used to looking at other people or circumstances for validation, we will also suppress our own ability to connect to what we truly need in certain situations. For example, when triggers arise, many people begin to feel frantic not only because they are afraid of messing up the process or failing (which is not true at all because triggers are opportunities for evolvement and they are only coming up to be released/dissolved) but, they might also feel unsure of what the ego is falsely seeking for. I say falsely because there is nothing to seek since we are already whole, complete and fulfilled by nature. The things that need to come to our awareness, whether within or in the 3D world, will not miss us or go over our heads. There are no missed opportunities. This is why we don’t need to go seeking but, as I have written above, if we are not used to connecting within, or if our needs were invalidated in the past, we will start striving and searching because it is familiar.
This is nothing to judge and it is completely normal that we do this at first. This is because we are not used to feeling a certain way, especially if we have only ever experienced the lack of it in our lives. Naturally, when we begin to consciously use our imagination and occupy different states, we will not have full faith or feel beautiful feelings- this is normal. If we haven’t felt true freedom, love, security, completeness etc., and it isn’t familiar to us, we will fall for the illusion that we are lacking or missing something from ourselves.
And when we aren’t giving ourselves the validation and reassurance that we need, we will seek for it from our own unconscious (or conscious) shadows- the 3D world.
We will fall short of going within and this is usually when people begin to mindlessly repeat affirmations or force themselves to feel a specific way in fear of not being in the correct state. Or maybe you feel the need to force yourself to do a specific technique in the moment because you heard or read that it was the right or best thing to do. As you can see, this immediately sets up a foundation where we aren’t trusting in who we really are as God. We are also not turning within for what we truly need in that moment, which leads to giving into the false concepts that the ego is holding. It leads to more searching.
The ego isn’t an issue, of course, it is simply the human aspect of awareness/consciousness- a vessel to experience this 3D world, which guides us to remembering and recognizing who we really are.
Looking within looks like asking ourselves,“what do I need in this moment?”, rather than “What should I be doing right now? Am I doing this correctly?”. It is becoming comfortable in our own unique feeling of the wish fulfilled and trusting in our words and in what we are/aren’t doing. It is also trusting that doing the best we can each day is enough.
If saying “it is done” doesn’t seem to help resolve the lingering feelings that keep arising, you may be suppressing unlovely feelings or only mechanically saying that because you think it is the right thing to say to yourself. However, what if saying “it is done” is not what you need in that moment when you feel frantic? For example, if a circumstance has triggered you to feel like you are a bad person, what if what you actually needed was to sit with yourself and validate your ego? What if you needed to reflect on why you were accepting this story for yourself and remember the unconditional love beneath everything?
We won’t truly know what we need in that moment if we are not comfortable in exploring our own inner guidance. When we lean into ourselves more we will also trust in ourselves more. We will trust in our powers and in our own abilities and therefore in our unique processes. When we choose our preference it will feel like contentment and reassurance. This is because we will trust that our needs are valid and they are valid because of who we already are.
Since this is the truth, we do not truly need anything (beside basic needs for living a human experience), we only want and desire things. Which is perfectly fine and natural because creation is already finished. A desire is a nudge of what is already ours and that is why it is important to explore what it means for us to accept it as done, since it is our own unique desire.
There is no one size fits all to our spiritual journey- that is an illusion. There is also no end point where we are fully healed or perfect because we are already all of those things. Giving into those stories creates a feeling of inadequacy or failure. So let’s return back to ourselves by connecting more to who we really are.
P.S. If you are looking for a previous article of mine on the website that is no longer there, that is because I am adding to some and expanding on them. They will be posted again as soon as I am finished writing them.