The concept of self and accepting who I really am were things that I used to run away from a lot at the beginning of my journey, and that I couldn’t understand for a few months. When I started reading Neville, I was very surprised, but his interpretation of the bible made a lot of sense to me. However, even when it made sense, I still thought of it as a theory.
Little by little, I immersed myself in these teachings. I used to participate in groups discussing Neville, so I began to clear myself of concepts from the Law of Attraction. I started reading more about “I am God” and that I “assume” rather than “I attract things through the perfect and right vibration”. I learned that everything is inside me and, of course, I already have it. Nevertheless, the word “God” was still pretty big. I avoided it because I didn’t fully understand it– I was seeing myself as a human with mental powers, and I kind of didn’t want to compare myself to that amazing being.
I grew up believing in the Catholic external God who is perfect. How could I be that wonderful self who can move mountains and heal people from the most terrible diseases? How could I be that amazing self who sees love everywhere when I was so fearful and limited inside this human body living a human life on Earth? How could I be God if there were experienced people on Youtube telling me I must reprogram my mind and listen to subliminal audios so my mind can internalize new beliefs? How could I be God if I have to “work” on my “limiting beliefs”, and analyze and clean my past?
One night, in one of those groups, someone posted the I Am Love podcast titled “Dissolving Fears to Manifest Effortlessly”, and I loved that it was the first one I found from the I Am Love website. I listened to that podcast even before I read any article from the blog. Don’t get me wrong; I love every single one of the articles and podcasts, but that podcast, for me, was mind-blowing. That podcast was made to make you remember who you really are, to make you see through all the illusions you thought were real.
I remember exactly the moment I listened to it. I was doing something else, when suddenly my whole attention was on Jennifer’s voice. I was shocked with every single word she said, and I went to bed thinking about how it had changed everything. Right there, in that moment, I knew there was “my previous life” and “my life from now on”. Of course I couldn’t believe I was God before – I fell for the illusion that fears and doubts were real, that my body was real, that my human mind was real, and thus all the other concepts I used to believe were true such as “I have to be happy all the time”, because I used to identify myself as my human self and, therefore, the emotions and feelings.
Now, it is pretty clear that, even when self-love can be seen as a concept, I have it and I feel it, because I am Love, and I love my human self. I love her emotions, I love when she asks me to dissolve her fears, I love when she laughs, when she dances, when she has this energy of persisting. I simply love living this human life through her body and -actually- now I am literally crying while writing this because I didn’t even realize the exact moment when I let my true self write those lines.
Finally, I feel like myself and I am seeing everything very clear. My journey has just begun as I have known Neville Goddard and this wonderful blog for a few months. I still have my moments, nonetheless, I can see things differently now and I want to tell you about this journey that some of you are experiencing as I am too, because remembering who I really am is still a process (but, a lovely and amazing process).
I had a wonderful session with Jennifer several weeks ago. It was wonderful, she clarified many of the questions I had, and I felt amazing. The following days I put into practice what she told me, and everything was perfect for a week. But then I felt like I was doing a lot of effort, I forgot she told me it should be a fun process. Besides, every time I watched our recorded session and I got stuck in a part where she asked me if I believed that my desires were mine. I said “yes” almost without hesitation, but after a few times watching it, the ego started to ask: “are you sure?”, and then “you don’t believe it”, “you don’t feel it to be real”.
After that, everything became dark. I cried almost nonstop for three days, falling for the illusion of the ego. However, I was patient with myself. Somehow, I thought that state had a purpose, I truly believed it had. The fourth day, while taking a shower, I couldn’t handle the human mind anymore and I literally told the ego “ok, you win. I don’t want anything”. But you know what? A voice inside told me: “What? You can’t give up. It’s already done”. I wrote to Jennifer and she told me it was old stuff being released and reminded me about the rebirth process, that I didn’t have to be afraid of that part of me, that I should welcome it. And little by little I felt better. After a few days, I felt sad again, for no reason at all. But I was gentler this time. I cried, but my body – as if it were the most natural response to it – suddenly went inside. I lied on my bed and I started meditating without music, without relaxing my body first, I just went within.
Naturally, I positioned myself as human in front of my Godself in the most beautiful landscape you can imagine. Crying, I asked her to take all of this sadness and make me believe, to feel natural knowing It’s done; I asked her to dissolve all these thoughts that were over my human head and didn’t allow me to see the way she sees (Yes, I refer to my Godself as “she”). I usually do this. I know we are not supposed to feel alone because feeling alone is to identify ourselves with our human part. But when I feel this way and I meditate in this particular manner, I know I’m not alone because I’ve got her, we are one – I truly connect my human self to my Godself.
You have to find the way everything seems lovely for you, the way it seems easy, effortless. In that moment, she hugged me. I know who I am, I am my Godself, I was embracing my human self. But that’s the beauty of being Love, that when you feel like you cannot separate yourself from identifying with your human part, Love is there for you. My Godself promised to take care of me and I felt relieved. My true self put me here in the first place, so the minimum I can do is to trust in her. I know I’m protected; I know my Godself doesn’t want me to suffer, I know everything is fine. Since that day, my everyday life has been very different.
I feel stronger. I took the decision and said “I believe in my desires”, “I believe they are real”, “I feel they are true”, “I have faith”, “I see love everywhere”, “I believe in my assumptions”, “I believe in my rules”, “I believe in me”. And I do, because when my true self took the control, I took the decision of trusting, and I have manifested my belief and my faith, but above all, my peace.
“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you”Matthew 7:7
Persist in dissolving what you are not: you are not the doubts, you are not the fears, you are not the voice who says you don’t have faith and that you don’t believe. Affirm you know who you are, affirm you already have everything, affirm you already know everything, affirm you are doing everything right, affirm you live in the wish fulfilled every day; and you’ll feel it, I promise, because it’s who you really are. Always identify yourself with Love. If only God exists, and God is Love, then everything else, all the things that are not Love, do not exist.