The concept of self and accepting who I really am were things that I used to run away from a lot at the beginning of my journey, and that I couldn’t understand for a few months. When I started reading Neville, I was very surprised, but his interpretation of the bible made a lot of sense to me. However, even when it made sense, I still thought of it as a theory.
Little by little, I immersed myself in these teachings. I used to participate in groups discussing Neville, so I began to clear myself of concepts from the Law of Attraction. I started reading more about “I am God” and that I “assume” rather than “I attract things through the perfect and right vibration”. I learned that everything is inside me and, of course, I already have it. Nevertheless, the word “God” was still pretty big. I avoided it because I didn’t fully understand it– I was seeing myself as a human with mental powers, and I kind of didn’t want to compare myself to that amazing being.
I grew up believing in the Catholic external God who is perfect. How could I be that wonderful self who can move mountains and heal people from the most terrible diseases? How could I be that amazing self who sees love everywhere when I was so fearful and limited inside this human body living a human life on Earth? How could I be God if there were experienced people on Youtube telling me I must reprogram my mind and listen to subliminal audios so my mind can internalize new beliefs? How could I be God if I have to “work” on my “limiting beliefs”, and analyze and clean my past?
One night, in one of those groups, someone posted the I Am Love podcast titled “Dissolving Fears to Manifest Effortlessly”, and I loved that it was the first one I found from the I Am Love website. I listened to that podcast even before I read any article from the blog. Don’t get me wrong; I love every single one of the articles and podcasts, but that podcast, for me, was mind-blowing. That podcast was made to make you remember who you really are, to make you see through all the illusions you thought were real.
I remember exactly the moment I listened to it. I was doing something else, when suddenly my whole attention was on Jennifer’s voice. I was shocked with every single word she said, and I went to bed thinking about how it had changed everything. Right there, in that moment, I knew there was “my previous life” and “my life from now on”. Of course I couldn’t believe I was God before – I fell for the illusion that fears and doubts were real, that my body was real, that my human mind was real, and thus all the other concepts I used to believe were true such as “I have to be happy all the time”, because I used to identify myself as my human self and, therefore, the emotions and feelings.
Now, it is pretty clear that, even when self-love can be seen as a concept, I have it and I feel it, because I am Love, and I love my human self. I love her emotions, I love when she asks me to dissolve her fears, I love when she laughs, when she dances, when she has this energy of persisting. I simply love living this human life through her body and -actually- now I am literally crying while writing this because I didn’t even realize the exact moment when I let my true self write those lines.
Finally, I feel like myself and I am seeing everything very clear. My journey has just begun as I have known Neville Goddard and this wonderful blog for a few months. I still have my moments, nonetheless, I can see things differently now and I want to tell you about this journey that some of you are experiencing as I am too, because remembering who I really am is still a process (but, a lovely and amazing process).
I had a wonderful session with Jennifer several weeks ago. It was wonderful, she clarified many of the questions I had, and I felt amazing. The following days I put into practice what she told me, and everything was perfect for a week. But then I felt like I was doing a lot of effort, I forgot she told me it should be a fun process. Besides, every time I watched our recorded session and I got stuck in a part where she asked me if I believed that my desires were mine. I said “yes” almost without hesitation, but after a few times watching it, the ego started to ask: “are you sure?”, and then “you don’t believe it”, “you don’t feel it to be real”.
After that, everything became dark. I cried almost nonstop for three days, falling for the illusion of the ego. However, I was patient with myself. Somehow, I thought that state had a purpose, I truly believed it had. The fourth day, while taking a shower, I couldn’t handle the human mind anymore and I literally told the ego “ok, you win. I don’t want anything”. But you know what? A voice inside told me: “What? You can’t give up. It’s already done”. I wrote to Jennifer and she told me it was old stuff being released and reminded me about the rebirth process, that I didn’t have to be afraid of that part of me, that I should welcome it. And little by little I felt better. After a few days, I felt sad again, for no reason at all. But I was gentler this time. I cried, but my body – as if it were the most natural response to it – suddenly went inside. I lied on my bed and I started meditating without music, without relaxing my body first, I just went within.
Naturally, I positioned myself as human in front of my Godself in the most beautiful landscape you can imagine. Crying, I asked her to take all of this sadness and make me believe, to feel natural knowing It’s done; I asked her to dissolve all these thoughts that were over my human head and didn’t allow me to see the way she sees (Yes, I refer to my Godself as “she”). I usually do this. I know we are not supposed to feel alone because feeling alone is to identify ourselves with our human part. But when I feel this way and I meditate in this particular manner, I know I’m not alone because I’ve got her, we are one – I truly connect my human self to my Godself.
You have to find the way everything seems lovely for you, the way it seems easy, effortless. In that moment, she hugged me. I know who I am, I am my Godself, I was embracing my human self. But that’s the beauty of being Love, that when you feel like you cannot separate yourself from identifying with your human part, Love is there for you. My Godself promised to take care of me and I felt relieved. My true self put me here in the first place, so the minimum I can do is to trust in her. I know I’m protected; I know my Godself doesn’t want me to suffer, I know everything is fine. Since that day, my everyday life has been very different.
I feel stronger. I took the decision and said “I believe in my desires”, “I believe they are real”, “I feel they are true”, “I have faith”, “I see love everywhere”, “I believe in my assumptions”, “I believe in my rules”, “I believe in me”. And I do, because when my true self took the control, I took the decision of trusting, and I have manifested my belief and my faith, but above all, my peace.
“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you”Matthew 7:7
Persist in dissolving what you are not: you are not the doubts, you are not the fears, you are not the voice who says you don’t have faith and that you don’t believe. Affirm you know who you are, affirm you already have everything, affirm you already know everything, affirm you are doing everything right, affirm you live in the wish fulfilled every day; and you’ll feel it, I promise, because it’s who you really are. Always identify yourself with Love. If only God exists, and God is Love, then everything else, all the things that are not Love, do not exist.
PattyJuly 10, 2020 at 6:46 PM
This is so beautiful! I have realized that it does take some time to dissolve all of those doubts and fears. It is a process of constantly choosing for my God-self to be in charge over my human self. The control freak part of my human self used to throw a fit, but now she is relaxing and allowing all of the old patterns, beliefs, assumptions and emotions to surface. She now feels grateful that all of that junk is coming up to being released or transformed. My human self wants to FULLY embody my Divine Self and live as one happy harmonious unit.
Camila SaldíasJuly 11, 2020 at 8:24 PM
Thank you! <3 I love the way you describe it because it truly is our choice and I think it's beautiful when we look back and realize persisting is worth it.
MoonJuly 12, 2020 at 10:08 AM
This writing is totally resonates with what I experienced in the last few days. I am so grateful for this wonderful community and the sharing of this transformative journey. Slowly but surely I am putting all the pieces of the puzzle together with all the information and inspiration from you all. Also referring to the wonderful information shared by Patty, everything is making more sense to me; the podcasts, the articles, the experiences …. only this morning after a few days of having on and off emotional turmoil, feeling ‘stuck’, and ‘alone’, I said to myself that the only reason that the thought of going back to square one and my ‘old’ life is so painful is because I have successfully embodied my desires and there is no going back because I am no longer my old experience, and if I have to still live through my seemingly old lifestyle does not mean I am back at square one, it just means it is still the bridge of events and I am on my path.
I know I have been in the state of fear, because all the what ifs and blocks and limitations are of the state of fear and the ego. I am aware that my ego is sensing fear for its existence and hence is trying to create emotional havoc with me. Even now when I cry or react, just the background awareness I have that I am just reacting to the illusion is enough to put a distance between me and the state of fear. I also reminded myself that before I knew the truth, when I truly wanted something, I didn’t always know for sure it would come about, I did think of limitations and blocks so I was in the state of fear but I still got them didn’t I… but now that I know the truth, well the state of love is the nicer place to dwell in. Ultimately I remind myself that god would never give me such strong desires that I could never have, and ultimately god wants to experience what it wants to experience through me, so I have no choice in the matter than to surrender to my desires and let the present moment lead. I just have to keep coming back to this.
Camila SaldíasJuly 15, 2020 at 1:43 PM
Thank you!? I noticed as well that this process becomes easier when we accept who we really are. Thank you for sharing your journey too <3
ThaisJuly 28, 2020 at 12:11 PM
Querida Camila!!!! Suas lindas palavras me fazem lembrar quem eu realmente sou! Me sinto fantástica neste processo e sei que assim como você, estou dissolvendo dia após dias meus medos e ilusões sobre a realidade. Meu coração é tão grato por suas palavras e por este blog! Um abraço carinhoso!
MJuly 12, 2020 at 9:22 AM
Thank you Camila for the lovely article.
I went through the same process myself recently and had a very similar experience as well. And it inspired me to write an article about the shedding of the old self, but midway through, I felt the urge to change it and write something slightly different. Now, I know why!!!
Camila SaldíasJuly 15, 2020 at 1:45 PM
Thank you for your words! <3 can't wait to read your article!!! <3
JustinaJuly 12, 2020 at 10:48 AM
I found this website a couple weeks ago and I have to say at first I thought it was going to be the same old “raise your vibration “ and other things that I’ve tried but nope! So glad I found you guys it’s a game changer! I come back to read things over and over when I get down!! Thank you for what you do !
Camila SaldíasJuly 15, 2020 at 1:46 PM
Me too! This blog changed my life <3
ThaisJuly 14, 2020 at 8:58 AM
Querida Camila! Suas palavras mexeram comigo profundamente! Gratidão por este artigo!
Camila SaldíasJuly 18, 2020 at 5:24 PM
Aaaw! Muito obrigada!
FedericaJuly 21, 2020 at 9:44 AM
Thank you so much for this. Yesterday I had a breakdown and also thought about giving up for a second. I spent the whole night crying and wondering, why can’t I love myself as I should? Why can’t I convince myself that I am God? Then I realized – I just can’t give up because I deserve to be happy. Then today I found a tab on my phone with this post open, I hadn’t read it and I don’t even remember opening it. But this is definitely an answer to my questions. It resonated so deeply with me. It really made me feel a lot better. It reminded me that I need to persist, and to love myself. I do know who I am and I do know all my desires are already mine. Thank you for writing this.
Camila SaldíasJuly 23, 2020 at 4:12 PM
Thank you so much for this comment! It moved me because we had a similar process. Thank you for taking the time to tell me this ❤
Kerstin DautJuly 26, 2020 at 6:00 PM
wow, I feel like this article is for me, my answer to the “rest”; we have a similar journey and this was also the first episode I listened too and I’m almost crying bc I’m relieved and I know I’m just in the rebirth process and I will try your kind of meditation/method to connect with my higher self. Thank you so much, I know you live your best life!<3
CamilaAugust 6, 2020 at 8:02 PM
Thank you for your beautiful words, Kerstin! ? Lots of love ?
MaryAugust 8, 2020 at 2:26 AM
Such a beautiful article. Thank you so much for sharing this. It resonated so much with me. I started reading it with so much going on inside my head. My ego threw a party up there and invited all my old Selfs. But now I feel more calm.
Camila SaldíasAugust 8, 2020 at 3:36 PM
Thank you for your kind words! <3 you're very sweet!
PoppyAugust 22, 2020 at 8:55 PM
I really resonated with your rebirth process. That is exactly where I am right now and this post absolutely serves that missing piece for me. I am going to call in to my Godself and really relinquish any old story or narrative that no longer serves me. I love this community so much.