Podcast / Relationships / Specific Person

Manifest Your Desired Relationship by Changing Your Relationship Identity

Hey everyone! This is the transcript for the latest podcast episode. You can view the podcast here:




Welcome back to the I AM Love podcast YouTube channel. Today I want to discuss an important topic that I think is the most important part of manifesting a specific person, or just a new relationship, and really just manifesting anything in general.

So, I want you guys to self-reflect on this- have you ever said stories to yourself such as “every area of my life is going so well except romantic relationships” or “why am I struggling in every single area besides love?”, or even things like “my career is going so great and I’m so good at manifesting money but when it comes to love I’ve just always been struggling with that for my entire life”.

If you resonate with any of this, this is showing you what your relationship identity is, what your relationship state of being is, and as we know the 3D world is a mirror. It’s a reflection of what we are assuming to be true about ourselves, what we are accepting for ourselves what we are identifying ourselves as. So, when we accept these kinds of stories we are essentially embodying that person and that will determine how we think about love and relationships, how we react, how we respond. And it will also determine how natural we’re able to feel and assume different things when it comes to love and relationships versus trying to convince yourself of a story.

The thing is, what most people do when trying to shift their state of being or manifest a relationship, or specific person, they forget that your identity change isn’t just for this one person or for this one relationship. It is a choice to decide that you are going to show up differently and be a different version of yourself when it comes to this area. Which means you’re no longer going to identify yourself as someone who is struggling in love and relationships or struggling to manifest in this area. You are simply deciding, “I’m not going to see myself as this person anymore” and work through embodying that.

Of course, it isn’t as easy as just a decision. However, it can be depending upon what you have going on within you, but versus just making that decision you have to actually embody that. We have to actually live that. It’s basically a choice to say, “This is who I am irrespective of what another person is doing, irrespective of my past, irrespective of what the circumstances are showing”. It’s basically a choice that you’re making to yourself to stay committed to this new identity regardless of anything. The reason why this is so important is because when we make changing our state or changing our identity more of like a technique or a tool, we will be at the mercy of the 3D world. Because essentially what people do is they only persist for something when that topic comes up, when that specific person is mentioned or they think of that specific person.

When they think of the relationship, only then they decide to persist or remember something or do a technique or whatever it is. That, of course, isn’t making it a lifestyle. So, we don’t want to feel like we are at the mercy of the 3D world nor do we want to see the 3D world as a threat or as the enemy. We want to change our relationship to the circumstances, what they mean for us.

So, when I was manifesting my specific person and my desired relationship, basically when I was changing my relationship identity, I would always ask myself, “What would the version of me who felt secure, who felt confident, how would she see this circumstance? What would she make it mean for her?”, right. “How would she navigate the triggers and the emotions that are coming up? How would that version of me interact with this person? You know, would I be playing mind games if I felt secure and safe within myself? Would I try to be a different version of myself, a fake version of myself, or would I be my authentic version of myself with this person?”.

And reflecting on that helped me to reframe and put things into perspective, and it is something that you can also do when you are navigating the 3D world. When you’re navigating things differently, always come back to, you know, “How am I seeing this? Am I seeing this from this perspective, of my old version, or am I seeing this from the new version that I’m identifying as now?”.

Initially, of course, you’re not going to immediately feel perfect feelings and emotions and all of that, right. It’s not about trying to have perfect feelings, perfect reactions. It’s about simply being mindful of it when it does arise and then deciding from there on how you want to respond to it. A lot of people, what they will do, is they will have that reaction, they’ll feel that trigger and they will go into a spiral. They will start to berate themselves, put themselves down or try to convince themselves of something in that moment, but it’s not really a moment for you to do that. Because all you’re doing when you do that is embodying that version of you who still feels like they have to struggle, like they have to work hard, like they have to do many different things, and that’s what you’re identifying yourself as.

It’s about keeping that bigger picture in mind depending upon how you see your romantic love life going. So, for each of us we have a certain way we want that to pan out. For a lot of people, or more so the “traditional” way, is to meet someone, go on dates, get to know them and then have like a long lasting, a long-lasting relationship, or I should say a long-term relationship, but um maybe get engaged, get married, have children, you know start a family, things like that. However, this is just one version of what someone would desire right, it’s completely dependent upon what your desire is.

So, we have to remember that changing our relationship identity is basically preparing ourselves to experience these different levels of the relationship, these different levels of consciousness, of awareness. And when we do this, we are essentially choosing ourselves and making a commitment that we are going to see things as a whole, as the bigger picture, versus just the momentary thing that our ego feels like we need in that moment. Which is just instant gratification or like a momentary dopamine hit. And many of us don’t just want that, we just think that’s what we need in that moment because we want to fulfill that void, or that feeling that is hurting us so badly in that moment, but you have to think about if you were in that long-term relationship or that marriage or whatever it is.

How would you want to show up in there when you have a moment of trigger? Because the relationship isn’t going to be rainbows and unicorns and perfect. Relationships are meant to evolve us, they’re meant to bring things out for us to look at, for us to recognize. They are meant to show us what we have to look through and move past, and of course building a beautiful bond with a person. They help us come back home to our true selves, to our true essence. So, you have to think in the bigger picture of, “okay so I’m having this doubt and this fear right now, I’m having this trigger. How do I want to deal with this as this person who knows that they’re going to also experience these higher aspects of the relationship or these deeper aspects of the relationship? You know, when me and my partner get into a fight or get into an argument or when we have a little rift between us, how do I want to be in that moment and show up in that moment?”.

So, you see, you’re not just making it about the person or getting the desire, you’re truly making it about being a different person, having a new identity, bringing it back to yourself. And the more you do this, the more you commit to yourself, you will trust yourself more. You will be able to lean on yourself more, you won’t feel like you need to always depend upon only the other person to make you feel good or depend upon the 3D world to make you feel a certain way. You will be able to feel like you can overcome anything that comes your way even if it may feel difficult. Knowing that you can overcome something doesn’t mean that it’s not going to feel difficult, it just means that you trust yourself to know that you can handle it and that you’re not going to abandon yourself and leave yourself and reject yourself in that moment because of what’s going on.

This is how we make it about us, about our relationship, about our identity. Naturally, when we embody a new version of ourselves, you will be able to accept different narratives and stories. So, a lot of people ask about, “okay, so what if I wanted to manifest a specific person and I don’t believe that they want to be with me?”.

I usually say, well your relationship to that thought and to where that narrative is coming from is going to change when it is that you shift your state. The main primary reason we think and assume a certain way is because of our current state, is because of how we identify as. The more we shift that, the more we change that, these narratives will change on their own. So, that’s why there’s no point trying to convince yourself of something, especially if you’re doing so on a foundation that feels very rocky and it feels very unstable and insecure. This does not mean that you need to have perfect healing or perfect everything to be in a relationship, of course not, absolutely not. All you’re doing is learning how to navigate those things differently so that you don’t find yourself in the same pattern, in the same cycle.

When a traumatic experience happens, when something happens, we don’t really have the skills or the tools to navigate and process those emotions and not identify with it in a certain way. So, we do tend to personalize things more and over identify with it and take it in a way where we accept it as true, because we simply just don’t know any better. And it’s really that thing that causes it to remain a consistent identity that we continue to perpetuate for years and years. When we realize,”Okay I actually can just shift how I navigate this. I don’t have to identify with this in the same way. I don’t have to make the circumstance, this thought, this narrative, this thing that this person said, this argument mean X Y and Z. I can make it mean something else because I’m choosing to do so through committing to myself to be a different version”, now it’s only about how we navigate it.

That’s what truly matters, not the negative thoughts themselves or the feelings or how uncomfortable or the anxiety that you feel. It’s always what you do with it, your relationship to it, that is the most important part of shifting your state of being. So, for example, let’s just say your partner hasn’t replied in, I don’t know, an hour, or your specific person, your crush, right, how do you identify with that? Do you automatically assume that they are ignoring you, that they don’t care about you, that they’re being the same person as they always were? Do you automatically assume that you’re being rejected?

That shows you what your relationship identity is or simply just your state of being in this area. It may also be in other areas too and that’s for you to reflect on, but it does show you what it is that you’re assuming to be true. Let’s just say your person tells you that they want to take things slow, do you automatically assume that, that means that they don’t love you, they don’t care about you, that you’re being rejected? Or, do you just completely accept and surrender to it and say, “okay, that’s fine, because I know who I am. I know what the bigger picture is. I know what I’ve already assumed so therefore I don’t have to fight with this or try to control it or try to change anything, because I know already what I have decided”.

And then we navigate the triggers from that point of view- you’re being present with yourself. All of this will determine how things shift for you, so it’s really important to be mindful of what you immediately jump to. And like I said earlier even if you are immediately jumping to something it doesn’t necessarily mean that you are still in that state or you’re doing something wrong, it’s really just about how you navigate it that matters, that determines things. You also don’t need to have a perfect response or reaction all the time either. No one has that, you don’t need to do that either. It’s more so about just loving yourself unconditionally, loving all parts of yourself and just being okay with the fact that you feel the way you feel in that moment. Not resisting it, not trying to fight it. not trying to force your way out of it, but simply just being present with yourself in that moment and honoring what it is that you feel.

So, anytime you’re facing a circumstance, you’re thinking about your person, you’re thinking about your relationship, reflect upon this. Reflect upon how you’re identifying yourself, the situation, your relationship to the situation. Reflect upon what you immediately jump to and how you’re navigating things because it will tell you a lot about your state of being, predominantly. Once you have gone within to tap into the feeling of the wish fulfilled, once you have imagined something and once you have really felt it to be done, your only job now is to go about your day embodying that person. And that doesn’t mean that you’re thinking about being that person all the time. It simply means that you know what you have decided, you know who you have chosen to be and so you come back to that identity.

When you find yourself going back to the old state, or the old identity- so, for example, let’s just say something is happening with your specific person and maybe they’re not contacting you or they said that they’re canceling on a date or something, it’s not about, “okay how do I react in this moment to make this thing happen?”.

It’s about, “How do I react in this moment when it comes to love and relationships? Who am I going to see myself as? How am I going to relate to this circumstance as this person that I’m committing myself to be, choosing myself to be? Not just because I want to get a result or I want to change this thing”.

Because you don’t need to do it like that and that also doesn’t create long lasting shifts and changes. It really just creates hot and cold results. And, of course, as we spoke about in the last video, it creates the need for quick fixes all the time and not a true consistent change within. Whatever it is that you find yourself reacting to, instead of like saying, “Oh I can’t react because of my desire and things are gonna not manifest the way I want it to be”, ask yourself, “Well how do I want to show up in the world when I do have triggers? How do I want to show up in the world when I have triggers, when I feel bad, when I have an off day, when someone says or does something to me that I don’t like, when I see something that I don’t like, how do I want to interact and be in this world as this person?”.

This will create long lasting changes and shifts, and now you’re not going to be at the mercy of every little thing that happens in the 3D world. Now, I completely understand if you don’t believe or feel anything at first or if your new relationship identity feels so far away. I used to be like that. I used to feel like love was the most difficult thing and that I would never be able to find that perfect person for me, or that I would always be stuck in the same cycle always manifesting “third parties”, or always being chosen second or whatever story I was coming up with. I just kept assuming that, that was who I was going to be and it seemed so far away to ever feel like a healthy secure person, but the more I practiced, the more I chose myself and did it for me, I shifted.

I changed because I knew that I wasn’t going to just not react differently, or react differently, because of this person or because of this desire. It was making that commitment to myself, like, “okay I’m going to be this person and it may feel difficult and I may not believe it and everything inside me is screaming that this isn’t true, my ego is trying to protect me and keep me safe, however I’m doing this for me. I’m choosing myself”.

When you start to think like that, or at least for me when I started to embody this person, manifesting a specific person seemed like second nature because I had already done that internal work for me and chose myself. So, all of the narratives and assuming that my person wanted me and that we were going to be together, it was very effortless. I didn’t feel the need to hyper focus or be on edge and always wonder when this was going to happen, because I wasn’t doing it just for this person. I was doing it for me, mostly mainly for me, and everything else came as a byproduct.

So, this is how you want to start to approach things to the best of your ability. Do your best each and every day. It is a lifestyle shift. It is a decision that you’re making to yourself, but do your best. Do the best you can even if it feels far away and you don’t have to believe it. No one, or at least most people, a lot of people, don’t come into it believing and that’s why we are even learning to shift states and identities and manifest new realities. It’s because we don’t believe it or we don’t feel it or we’re not accepting it to a certain extent. So, it’s completely normal, it’s completely okay, do the best that you can.

I’m going to be making more episodes and podcasts on this topic and other topics. You guys can leave below in the comments any recommendations that you have for other future podcasts and I will do my best to make them. If you feel like you need any help with any of these topics that I’ve discussed today, I do offer coaching sessions which you can find in the description below. And as always I always want to thank you guys so much for being here, sticking by me, coming back to our YouTube channel and page. It really really means a lot that there are many of you that are still here and still want to listen to the podcast and are showing up. So, I’m really really really appreciative of you. Thank you guys so much and I will see you or speak to you in the next episode.

About Author

Jennifer is a freelance writer currently working on her first fiction novel. Living in the labyrinth of New York City, she has learnt to use the Law in every aspect of her life to awaken the Godself within her. Her aim is to spread this beautiful knowledge to others so they may also find peace and love within.

1 Comment

  • Lia
    July 11, 2023 at 2:53 PM

    Do you think you could make an in depth pod on navigating trauma and intrusive thought patterns from trauma? How can we truly change our relationship with trauma ,our past, and negative thoughts? Thank you!!


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