I AM,  Loved

Self Love and Manifesting Romantic Relationships

Firstly, I am not going to tell you that you can have whatever you desire, that you have the relationship of your dreams, because you already know this. In fact, I know many of you will already have watched many videos, read several articles and success stories, and spoke with others about your SP in order to reassure yourself that it is indeed possible. And it is! In this post, though, I invite you to look a little deeper into your own inner world and be the love that you yourself desire. This is a practice you’ve probably already heard of — the practice of self love!

In my opinion, self love is the single most important foundation for manifesting effortlessly and enjoying abundance in your life. Self love allows you to be clear about what you want, be sure that you deserve it, and be confident in your ability to manifest it. It allows you to simply imagine what it is you desire — and then relax, knowing it’s done! The tricky part about self love is that it seems too simple or too vague — yes, it’s all about loving yourself, but how does that play out in everyday life? How do you apply that?

Self love starts when we set our standards and become unwavering about them. When we love ourselves, we recognise that we are in control and that we don’t need to experience any situation that we no longer desire. We realise that we can choose better for ourselves. So, what does this have to do with attracting romantic relationships? 

Love is our birthright. Do not go seeking for that which you are.

Neville Goddard

In the above quote, Neville says that love is our birthright. We ARE love. We don’t have to strive for it, to be in despair, or allow society pressure us into an ideal. When you realise that you are love, you understand that your prayers are already realised. Everything you ever wanted in a relationship with someone else is a part of you already, so don’t be afraid to want what you want! How do you want to feel in a romantic relationship? Let your heart set the standards. 

Set Your Standards High

Part of having standards and holding yourself in high regard means knowing what it is you want from a romantic relationship.

What do you want? Can you answer this clearly and effortlessly, knowing it’s already yours, or do you feel a little confused? Do you think about what you want the other person to bring to the table, or do you instead worry about whether or not you’re good enough? 

If so, stop for a moment and make a list. Try not to subconsciously base this list on a person you already know. Instead, ask yourself: how do I feel knowing I am fully loved and accepted by my SP? How do they behave towards me? How do I feel when we spend time together? What are their values? What personality traits do they have? What attracts you to this person? What kind of relationship do you have – are you dating, or married? What kind of life do you build together? Most importantly, how does all of this make you feel?

It can also be helpful to write a list of things you aren’t available for. This doesn’t mean dwelling on the negative, it simply means taking into consideration what you don’t care to manifest. Turn these around so that you can add them to your list of standards. For example: “I don’t want to be with someone who is not monogamous” can be rewritten as “My SP and I are exclusive and committed only to each other”. This is not necessarily needed, but if you feel that you have trouble manifesting the type of relationship you want, or that you keep manifesting “the same type of people” and don’t understand why, it can help to clarify with yourself what your standards actually are.

Sometimes we manifest these unwanted situations because, not only do we not know what we want, but we are creating our reality from a place of desperation or pressure to have something that we think will make us happy, without realising that love and happiness already reside within ourselves. 

You might already have a very clear idea of what it is you want in a relationship, but if not, try writing the above lists without censoring or editing yourself and connect with what it is that you truly desire. Whatever the case may be, don’t be afraid to set your standards high. Dream big. Delve deep into whatever it is your heart desires and then.. 

…Accept it! Accept it for yourself. Know that it is a done deal. Know that you are worthy of all of your desires. Know that it is your birthright to experience and create whatever you would like. 

For those of you who already have a SP in mind, you might get clear on what you want and decide that your current SP doesn’t actually have the traits you desire. You might ask yourself, do I proceed with this person or do I find someone else? Again, this is all a matter of perspective and down to your own personal choice. As Nicole said, a new face does not equal a new relationship. You may wish to manifest someone new if you so desire, but if you aren’t clear on what you want, you will find yourself manifesting more of the same. Set your standards and accept what you want as already yours, and it doesn’t matter if you want your SP or someone else, reality will bend to fit your will. 

What Love Looks Like When Self-Love Comes First

When you love and accept yourself, you are not phased by another person’s words or behaviour because you know they are simply you pushed out, and that you can revise this at any time.

You practice loving detachment, because you know there is nothing to lose. You don’t allow yourself to engage in jealousy or clingy behaviours, because you know that your desire is already yours.

You don’t give momentum to undesirable situations by discussing them with your friend, because you already know that nothing exists outside of your divine imagination.

You know you are loved and worthy without having to question it, and you don’t need someone’s behaviour to validate  this. You do not agonise over texts or being invited on a date, because you know you already have everything you want and more.

You do not acknowledge third party situations, because you already know that what you desire is a done deal. You don’t allow peer pressure or social conditioning to make you question the divine timing of your desires unfolding.

You don’t stalk their social media pages or analyse every interaction they have with you, because you already know how it all plays out. You don’t look to another person to make you feel complete, because you already know you hold the answers within you.

You spend time investing in yourself, treating yourself well, and putting your needs first because you hold yourself in high regard and know that all of the power already resides within you. 

What I am saying here is that loving yourself and choosing yourself first is the foundation to happy and harmonious relationships, not to mention receiving everything else you know you deserve. If you can imagine it, you can manifest it in your world. This doesn’t require following any tips or tricks. You don’t need remote seduction or looking for signs that your manifestation has “worked”. Self love is a form of empowerment that guides everything you do , every reaction you have, and every choice you make. All you need to do is be confident and know that your desire is already a done deal. It’s as simple as that!

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Kriston is a filmmaker and designer interested in the blurring of art, imagination, and everyday life.


  • Sheila


    I’m super excited about this page! I’ve been reading all of your articles over and over!
    I have a question regarding accepting your desires as done. Do you have any tips as to how we can do it? Do I have to say: it’s done?

    And another question I’ve been wondering, I’ve always believed in God and I see Him as someone greater than me so to think I am God makes me feel a bit uncomfortable. When I think of God as walking by my side, loving me and caring for me, and me being the Operant Power (with His approval) I feel more at ease. Could this also be a correct form of manifesting my reality?

    Thank you and please, keep posting <3

  • Neha

    Great article Kriston. I especially like the part about setting your standards high. Few months back I did write the traits that I am looking for in my partner and a few months after that I did manifest him in my reality. But soon the doubts crept in which let to no contact. Initially, I just wanted to manifest contact but since the past week, I’ve been focusing more on what do I want, want makes me happy and kind of turned within and I can feel the difference in how I feel about the whole situation. I’m going to write down once again (in detail now) about what is it that I am looking for from my partner and the relationship as a whole without keeping this SP in mind.

    Thank you <3

  • Lasika

    Thanks for this fab post, Kriston. Initially, self-love appeared to be all about saying affirmations all day that indicated I love myself. It seemed fake and I didn’t really feel it, in fact I got tiered of doing so. Thanks to your team, the posts on the “I AM LOVE” website and Jen, that I now find myself doing many of the things you have mentioned under the section: “What love looks like when self-love comes first”. I didn’t realize when I transitioned into doing things for myself including avoiding unwanted conversations with friends, pampering one self, etc. You guys, are a blessing indeed!!! Thank you, Goddess! 🙂

  • A.

    I have been reading all the blog posts of this website (again) and taking notes. There is so much to learn. Thank you Kriston.

  • Nikki

    Hello. This is one of the first articles I read upon discovering your web site/blog. At the moment I am constructing a very unproductive narrative about a potential romantic love interest out of fear and to avoid/minimize rejection. I am realizing that I have done this in the past. I don’t know how to change this narrative. It is prompting a really crappy feeling throughout my body. I know I AM a great catch (there’s the self-love part)! And this potential love interest seems to be a really nice guy. A mutual friend shared that he is interested in me. I don’t want to miss out on my blessing. What to do?

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